Down The Rabbit Hole
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: Its a mad world when Eli returns to Degrassi after the crash and is assigned to help write and direct the school play. Its an even madder world when the play is a darker rendition of Alice in Wonderland and Clare Edwards gets the part of Alice to Eli's Mad Hatter. Will they both be able to come to terms with his bipolar disorder? Or is it down the rabbit hole for both of them?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I haven't really written Eclare in a long time. I have a lot of stories still left to update, but I had this dream the other night and when I woke up, I knew I had to write it. This won't be a very long story, at the most five chapters. But I love the idea and I know it'll be so fun to write. I hope you all enjoy it and please leave a review to let me know. I do not own Degrassi in any way, except maybe in my dreams :)**

**Setting: After Eli crashes Morty, before the school play. He and Clare are broken up and haven't spoken to one another since she left him at the hospital. I've written this setting/scene before and I love it. I think its one of my favorite settings to write Clare and Eli for many reasons. **

**Down The Rabbit Hole  
Chapter One**

Adam had texted her the night before, informing her that he'd be back in school the next day. She had stared down at her phone, unable to type back a reply. That night, she had lain awake, anxiety stirring in her mind. She hadn't seen him since she had left him at the hospital, reaching out to her and calling for her to not go. But she had gone, left him, and hadn't spoken to him since. After all, how could she after what he had done. She still had nightmares of that night - the callousness of his voice, the static of the phone, the tires squealing on pavement, the crash, her screaming into the phone until her throat was raw, begging to know if he was alright. He had done that to her on purpose. For attention. And she was certain she could never forgive him for that amount of insane selfishness. Eli Goldsworthy hadn't been to school since the accident. Rumors spread like wildfire through the hallways. Some said his parents had had him committed, others said he wasn't allowed to return to Degrassi. And some, the few that dared anyway, said that he had finally done it and had slit his wrists with a scalpel in the hospital. Clare hated hearing those rumors. They made her stomach churn and her heart kick. Her only source for the truth was Adam. Adam was the only one that still was speaking with Eli. Clare wasn't sure if he was the only one Eli was allowing to get near enough to him to do so, or if Adam was the only one who still wanted to give Eli the time of day. Either way, he was her source of information.

He had told her that his injuries weren't too terribly severe, that he walked with a cane, that his eyes darkened and he wasn't entirely sure if it was angst or eyeliner that causes the shadows. Clare didn't ask, and Adam didn't tell, where she stood with Eli. Part of her never wanted to see him again, in fear that she would finish the job the car crash left unfinished out of sole anger. But there was still that part of her that wanted to know if he was alright and that damned part of her still wanted to run to him, to hug him, to tell him that everything would be alright.

But it would never be alright. Not after what had happened that night.

Clare had turned off her phone, not replying to Adam, and had tried to fall asleep. Her efforts had been futile. Her mind simply would not allow her the pleasure of a peaceful night's rest. Instead, her mind churned and played, like a record, over and over again conversations and scenarios in her head. She imagined seeing Eli for the first time, and what she would say to him if she said anything to him at all. The hours ticked by on the clock and finally her alarm blared, jolting her from her thoughts. Exhausted, Clare made her way over to her closet and scanned the various clothes, hanging in order by occasion and color. She grabbed her typical uniform - the khaki pants and purple polo. She also grabbed her new black sweater with the floppy flower pin. After getting dressed, she ducked into the bathroom and applied some light makeup. She reached for the eyeliner she only ever wore on special occasions and stopped herself. What was she doing? Why did she care about dressing up for seeing Eli for the first time since everything? She dropped the eyeliner pen, and applied a bit of blush and mascara. After feeling confident in her appearance, she headed downstairs for breakfast.

"Ready for school today, honey?" Helen asked, handing her daughter a banana to slice onto of her cereal.

"Yeah," Clare lied, "I think Alli wants to get together after school and see a movie. Is that alright?"

"As long as you do all your homework first. Honey, you look exhausted. Have you not been sleeping well?" Clare blushed and ducked her head so her mom couldn't see the exhaustion forming puffiness under her eyes. She'd hoped the makeup might have helped.

"Yeah, I just woke up a lot throughout the night."

"Are you stressed about anything?" Helen sat down next to her daughter, "Sweetheart, I know you've been through a lot these past weeks, but you can't let the pain you've had to endure because of that boy make you physically sick. I'll pick up some Sleepy Time tea for you to have tonight. And those lavender bath salts that you like so much. I know you've gone through a lot, but honey it's not healthy to lose sleep because of him."

"Thanks, Mom," Clare quickly finished off her cereal, "I'm going to walk to school today. Is that alright?"

"The fresh air will probably do you some good," Helen nodded, "Have a good day at school, honey."

Clare hugged her mom goodbye, grabbed her backpack, and headed out the door. Her nerves were eating away at her, and she tried to remember what her mother had said. She had been right; it wasn't healthy for Clare to let Eli affect her like this. The stress, the anxiety, the concern he made her feel was unbearable; and she dreaded seeing him at school. Seeing him would make him real in her life once again, and Clare wasn't sure if she could handle that. But then there was that small part of her, the part she hated, that wanted to see him just to prove to herself that he was okay.

When she got to school, she headed to her locker. As she was getting her things together, Adam appeared next to her.

"You didn't text me back," he pouted.

"Sorry," Clare stifled a yawn, "I had a lot on my mind."

"I"ll say," Adam raised an eyebrow, "You look like you haven't slept in weeks!"

"Thanks, Adam," Clare replied dryly.

"Wait...have you been sleeping since..." Adam's voice took on a note of concern.

Clare opened her mouth to answer, but was interrupted by the students in the hallway turning in unison towards the doors. There was a hushed silence that fell over everyone, and she turned to see what everyone was gawking at. She saw him. He was wearing his uniform, military jacket, and holding a black cane with a skull on the top of it in one hand. He walked with a painful-looking limp. Clare hated that everyone was staring at him as if he was some side show attraction. But she was quick to realize that she was doing the exact same thing. Quickly, she turned her attention back to her locker and began riffling through her backpack.

Adam cleared his throat as Eli neared, his locker just a ways past Clare's, "I should uh...go help him."

"Yeah," Clare nodded, "I'll uh...see you later."

Adam took off to catch up to Eli. Clare felt her heart pause and for a moment, she forgot how to breathe. All the nightmares, all the late nights imagining that moment, none of it had prepared her for the real thing. Eli looked worse off that she had ever imagined. His eyes were dark and hard as stone. He gripped the cane so that his knuckles were a ghostly white. His face had small scratches still, and Clare could see the small gash peeking out from under his bangs. She craned her neck to watch Eli and Adam head off towards his locker. She winced with each painful step Eli took.

"Mr. Goldsworthy, can I speak to you for a moment?" Clare glanced up to see Mr. Simpson standing in front of them. She could barely make out what was said, but watched as Eli followed Simpson to his office. She ran her lower lip across her bottom teeth. Maybe the rumors were true. Maybe Eli wasn't allowed to come back to Degrassi after what he had done. But then, wouldn't Simpson had called Bullfrog and Cece to let them know ahead of time? Bullfrog and Cece...

Clare's heart sank at the thought of Eli's parents. She wondered how they were doing, and how well they were handling everything. How could Eli be so selfish to put everyone who loved him through so much pain? Clare angrily slammed her locker shut. Did he just not care? Did he think it was funny to hurt those who loved him? She tried to shake the thought from her head as she made her way to her first period classroom. Clare was determined not to let Eli's presence back at Degrassi affect her negatively. She needed to focus on her classes, and that's exactly what she was determined to do.

* * *

"You're joking, right?" Eli raised an eyebrow, slumping further down into the seat across from Mr. Simpson.

"Eli, I've talked with the drama department and Ms. Dawes. She knows your potential and she knows how passionate you are. She thinks that working on the school play will be very therapeutic for you..."

"You're not my shrink, Simpson."

Mr. Simpson recoiled, but reminded himself to keep calm, "I know that, Eli. Maybe I am going about this the wrong way. Look, the truth is that you've missed three weeks of school. Yes, you were able to keep up with a lot of makeup work, but there's still so much you need to do so that you don't fall behind. Now then, Ms. Dawes came to me and asked that I speak with some of your teachers in regards to this matter. If you decide to go through with this, you will be able to make up a lot of your missed work. This will go towards your grade, and it will look good on your college applications. Which, quite frankly, you need to do well with after that stunt you pulled a few weeks ago."

Eli winced and gripped the cane even tighter. He stared intensely at the pattern of the carpet in Mr. Simpson's office as he thought everything over. Maybe Mr. Simpson had a point. At least this way, he could make up missed work without being bogged down with a lot of makeup assignments. Eli exhaled, the puff of air kicked up his bangs, revealing the gash on his forehead. Mr. Simpson turned his attention back to the manila folder on his desk.

"Fine," Eli finally spoke.

"Excuse me?"

"I'll do it," his voice was level but abrasive, "I'll work with Ms. Dawes on the script and direct the school play," Eli sighed.

"Great!" Mr. Simpson was too enthusiastic for Eli's taste, "It's a rendition of Alice and Wonderland. She said it was going to be darker and with a bit of a twist. I dunno," Simpson shrugged, "but she assures me that you'll be excellent for this. Its a lot of responsibility, Eli. I just want to let you know that."

"I know."

"So you need to stay on top of this and work hard and..."

"...and don't have a mental breakdown and completely fuck everything up, right?" Eli smiled exaggeratedly, sarcastically.

Mr. Simpson gripped the pencil he had been holding in his hand so tightly that it snapped in two. He let out a small gasp and quickly picked up the pieces, shoving them into one of the desk drawers. Eli choked back a snicker.

"Mr. Goldsworthy, I am trying to be as patient and as understanding with you as I can right now. I don't want to say I know what you're going through, because I think that's a cop-out thing to say to someone. I do want to say this though, I've been through a lot in my life too. Life can suck pretty badly at times, but that's no excuse to give up on it or want to sign out early. I don't know what your intentions were behind that wheel of your car, but I do know that you got a second chance here. My door is always open if you want to talk to someone, Eli. I am going to be patient and I am going to be understanding; but what I am not going to let you do is get a free pass here. You're still going to be held accountable for your actions and responsibilities. Got it?"

Eli's brow furrowed as he rolled his eyes and grumbled, "Yes sir."

"Good. I am looking forward to seeing what you and Ms. Dawes come up with for the school play. I am sure whatever ideas you have will be great. Now, get to class."

Eli struggled, putting his weight on the cane and heaving himself from the leather chair. Simpson winced and turned away as Eli swung his backpack over his shoulder and limped towards the door.

"And Mr. Goldsworthy?"

"Yeah?"

"If you ever use that word in front of me again, you'll be spending your time in detention instead of writing and directing the school play. Is that understood?"

Eli simply nodded and headed out the door. Mr. Simpson shut the manila folder and placed it in a drawer of his desk as the click-clack of the cane resounded down the hallway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Down The Rabbit Hole  
Chapter Two**

Clare picked at her sandwich at lunch time. She sat at her usual picnic table, alone. Even though she and Alli had made plans, Alli still often spent much of her time at school with Jenna. Adam usually ate with Clare, but she knew better than to think he'd eat with her that afternoon. She picked the crust off of her Wonderbread and sighed. Food just didn't taste appealing. In fact, the cucumber and cream cheese sandwich - her usual favorite - tasted more like Styrofoam. Against her better judgement, Clare scanned the picnic area looking for him. She wanted to catch just a glimpse of him. That small part of her still clung to the hope that he might gift her with a smirk or a raise of his eyebrow, his usual tokens of secret affection when they first started coming to terms with how they felt towards one another. Now Clare doubted she'd ever see that smirk again. Unless it was out of callousness. Sighing, she forced herself to take another bite of her sandwich.

"Hello!"

Clare glanced up, "Adam? I thought you'd be eating with..." she let her sentence trail, unable to bring herself to say his name. Instead, she took a sip from her water bottle and allowed Adam to finish the sentence himself.

"Yeah, well Eli has a meeting with Ms. Dawes so I figured I'd eat with you."

"Ms. Dawes?" Clare raised an eyebrow. Ms. Dawes had approached her just last week about trying out for the school play. She had said something about it being a rendition of Alice in Wonderland. Clare, having never really acted before was apprehensive. She had been fine doing the rendition of Romeo and Juliet from in front of a camera, but a camera was different from a whole auditorium of her classmates. The very thought terrified her, but for some reason Ms. Dawes had pushed that she try out. She had even entertained the idea for a few minutes after their conversation, until she came to her senses and had removed all thoughts of the school play from her mind.

"Yeah, he told me that the meeting he had with Simpson this morning was to discuss the school play. Apparently Ms. Dawes wants Eli to work with her on writing the script and directing the whole thing. It will count as his make up work or something."

"Oh," Clare took another sip from her water bottle.

"Yeah. He's not too sure about it though. I think he's a bit worried about having all that responsibility so soon; but he is kind of pumped about getting to write again. He's been keeping a journal with some stuff...oh," Adam winced, and Clare could practically see the little light bulb going off on top of his head, "Am I talking too much about him?"

"It's fine," Clare lied. She knew Adam had been worried sick about Eli these past few weeks, and though they had kept in contact, he hadn't really been able to see him as often as he would have liked. She knew he was glad to have his bud back in school and that she should be understanding of that. After all, Adam was both their friend. He had been their friend before they had even gotten together, and it wouldn't be fair to ask him to chose sides. Clare had to wonder though if Adam ever mentioned her around Eli, and what Eli's reaction was. Did he sit there with pursed lips, nodding and pretending to pretend to listen just as she was? Or did he bite off Adam's head and tell him to drop the subject all together? Eli always was more blunt than Clare could ever be. She continued to pick at the crust of her sandwich.

"How are you, Clare?" Adam asked, tilting his head in concern, "And I want an honest answer. No B.S. this time."

Clare allowed herself a small smile, "I'm...dealing," she answered honestly, "To tell you the truth, some moments it's harder than others. I...I find myself wanting to go up to him and scream at him for putting me through that. I want to kick him, and punch him, and call him out on everything he's ever done to hurt me. And then there's this dumb part of myself that wants to go to him, brush his bangs out of his eyes, and kiss that gash on his forehead. It's stupid, I know..."

"No it's not," Adam objected, "It's not stupid at all. Eli was a very big, very real part in your life, Clare. You two are just going to have to cope with the fact that you are both living in the same world, rather you like it or not. There's a lot you don't know, Clare. I want to tell you, but it's not my place to. If he wants you to know the whole story, he'll tell you when he's ready. But I just can't be the one to do that. Just know that what he did was stupid and wrong, but maybe...maybe there's more to it than you know."

Clare fumed. She knew Adam was right, but at the same time, she didn't want to hear it or acknowledge it. Nothing would ever excuse what Eli had done - what he had put her through. Did he even care that she still had nightmares? Clare wadded up her sandwich and tossed it into her paper lunch bag, "I'm sorry, Adam. I...I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him or excuse what he did for whatever reason. He could have been abducted by aliens and been under mind control at the time of that car wreck, and I still wouldn't be able to forgive him for what he made me feel that night. You know what I heard crash on that phone? Do you?"

Adam shook his head, no.

"I heard my whole world crash and crumble and die. And I will never forgive him for that. Now, if you'll excuse me...I'm going to go work on some homework in the library."

"Clare..."

"I'm sorry, Adam," Clare stood from the picnic table, yanked her bag onto her shoulder, tossed her lunch away, and headed inside. She knew it wasn't Adam's fault, and she knew he didn't deserve to be snapped at like that, but just the same, she couldn't face the feelings she still harbored for Eli; and when Adam mentioned him, all those feelings surfaced. She couldn't deal with them. She wouldn't deal with them.

Clare headed inside and to the library. She knew Adam meant well, and she knew she might be acting a bit outrageous, but at the same time, she just couldn't deal with those feelings just yet. Adam needed to understand that. She pushed her bag up on her shoulder and was just about to head into the library when Ms. Dawes stopped her. Clare inwardly cringed, wishing that she would just drop the whole subject of the school play. Especially now that she knew Eli would be working on it. There was no way she'd ever audition now, not with him writing the script. The thought of hour long rehearsals in the same room with Eli made her feel sick to her stomach. She couldn't possibly do that.

"Clare," Ms. Dawes called after her, "Can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Sure," Clare turned and pasted on her best smile, hoping that this conversation wouldn't take too long.

"I wanted to ask you about the school play again," Ms. Dawes explained, "I am hoping to hold auditions in two weeks, and I am still hoping that you'd like to try out."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Dawes," Clare tucked a curl behind her ear and glanced down at her loafers, "I don't think I'll be able to. I am just so busy with everything else right now, and I just don't think I am right for auditioning for a role in the school play."

"Nonsense!" Ms. Dawes was not having it, "I spoke to Eli Goldsworthy today," she raised an eyebrow as if that would make any difference to Clare, "And I really want him to write the script and direct it for me. He has agreed, but I am sure he's already told you that. Wouldn't it be fun to work with him? I know you two are very close..."

Clare felt the sandwich come back up, and she choked back her vomit, "Please, Ms. Dawes...Eli and I are not together anymore. If he wants to work on the school play, that's fine. Maybe it'll be good for him. But I just can't." Clare really didn't understand why Ms. Dawes was pushing this so much. She really just wanted to run into the library to escape. It had seemed that all day it had been Eli, Eli, Eli, and Clare just wanted to be done. She wished there was a place where she could go where Eli's name would never be spoken again.

"That's a shame," Ms. Dawes clicked her tongue to her teeth, "You two were so good together...theatrically. You had such a spark when you were Romeo and Juliet together in your film. I always thought there was something special between the two of you."

Clare cringed, "Um...thank you?" She honestly had no idea what to say in response to that. Maybe Adam had been right when he had said awhile back about certain teachers being too involved in certain students' lives. She wished Ms. Dawes would just drop it. Clearly she wasn't interested in doing the stupid school play. Especially with Eli.

"You know, theater is a great place for romance to be rekindled."

Clare had to bite her tongue to keep from saying anything as Ms. Dawes continued, "Just think about it, Clare. Just tell me you'll consider it."

"I'll...consider it," Clare agreed. Ms. Dawes smiled and headed off down the hallway. Clare groaned and shoved her way through the doors of the library. As she was sincerely considering transferring schools, she plopped down at a vacant study table only to discover the person sitting at the study table next to her was Eli.

"Is there no escape?" Clare asked herself. She pulled her binder from her bookbag and began to work on a review sheet for her history class. She tried to keep herself busy, but her mind had other plans. Slowly, her eyes peeled from the review sheet to the boy sitting at the next table over. He was reading the library's copy of Through the Looking Glass and shaking his head. Clare jerked her focus back on her homework, hoping that she could just pay attention to the task at hand. Of course, Eli wasn't going to let her. She glanced over at him one more time, and this time, his eyes lifted from the pages of the book to meet hers. Clare could feel the blush on her cheeks and she felt nauseous again. She tried to turn away, but just before she could, she thought she saw a shadow of a smirk playing at Eli's lips.

"It's research for the school play, Edwards," Eli said, his voice sending a shiver down her spine. She wished he could have just ignored her, but then again she was failing at ignoring him. Clare sighed and nodded curtly, not trying to encourage him in anyway. _If I just pay attention to my homework, maybe he will just leave me alone. If I just ignore him..._

But Clare knew better, and so did Eli - she could never just ignore him. Maybe that was the reason she said, "Ms. Dawes keeps pressuring me to audition for that."

"Are you?"

"No," Clare answered, writing in one of the answers on her review sheet, swearing to herself that she wouldn't look at Eli.

"Writing the play is extra credit for me," Eli explained, his voice was still cold and Clare felt a chill from the tension in the room, "So you aren't going to audition?"

"Of course not," Clare flipped the page of her review sheet over.

"Good. I think that's for the best. Especially if I am working on the play. If you did audition, and God-forbid get a part, then we'd have to see each other a lot and work together, and face it - that could be bad. Besides, what part would you try out for anyway?"

"Ms. Dawes mentioned Alice," Clare wondered why she was so bothered by the fact that Eli was adamant about not wanting her to audition. Sure, she didn't want to audition because it would be awkward to see him everyday, but he didn't have to make that concern vocalized. She began to nibble on the end of her pen, trying to push those thoughts from her head. Eli could have whatever opinion he wanted; and if he didn't want her to audition, then he had a right to think that.

"Seriously?" Eli scoffed, "But you aren't going to actually do it, right?"

"Of course not. I've said that. Now look, I have to get back to my homework. Stop being such a distraction."

"Hey," Eli raised an eyebrow, "You were the one who was looking at me, Edwards."

Clare fumed. She opened her mouth to say something, but abandoned the thought and returned to her homework. She wasn't going to let Eli Goldsworthy of all people get to. Not after what he had done to her a few weeks ago, the hell he had put her through. She was not going to just let him get to her like that. Clare tucked another curl behind her ear and tried to focus on the French Revolution. Of course, her attempts were in vain. Instead, a single thought kept replaying in her head. She bit her lip as the wicked little thought turned into a series of wicked little thoughts.

"Would it really be such a big deal if I did audition?" She asked defiantly.

"Uh...yeah," Eli scoffed again, "It would. But thankfully, your social anxiety is so bad that there's no way you'd ever get up on that stage."

"Excuse me?" Clare slammed her history book shut and turned in her chair to face Eli.

"C'mon, Edwards. Like you'd ever even audition."

Clare stuck out her chin, "Well we will see about that."

"What?" Eli chuckled, dryly, humorlessly, "You wouldn't. You freak before giving a presentation in class. There's no way..."

Clare grabbed her things and stood sharply from her chair.

"Where are you going?" Eli asked, passively.

Clare smirked, stood straighter, and answered, "To see Ms. Dawes about auditioning for a play."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Also, because I forgot to say this earlier, I do not own Alice in Wonderland. Hope you enjoy this chapter! **

**Down The Rabbit Hole  
Chapter Three**

Two weeks after telling Ms. Dawes she'd audition, Clare found herself in the middle of the auditorium after school. There were about thirty other students there, and Eli and Ms. Dawes were both pouring over a yellow legal-sized notepad. Clare cleared her throat, adjusted her curls, and headed towards the stage. The nerves had been eating at her stomach for the past few days and had only gotten worse. She felt physically ill, but she knew she had to go through with this. She had to prove Eli wrong. She had had no contact with him since their conversation in the library, and that one small part of her had been looking forward to seeing him that afternoon. When she did see him though, the nerves worsened and she almost made a run for it. But she needed to go through with this. Sighing, she set her backpack down in one of the chairs and went to stand next to Adam.

"You went through with it," he beamed, "Good for you!"

"I had to. So, you're here because..."

"Stagehand. Eli's idea," Adam shrugged, "Although he did make a jab about me trying out for one of the Tweedles. Although, my brother would be perfect for Tweedle-Dum."

Clare laughed and Eli glanced up from the legal pad. His eyes landed on her and he rolled his eyes. It was bad enough that she would be auditioning, but what if she did actually get a part? Then he'd have to see her for several hours every day after school. The thought made him cringe. He wasn't quite sure what contact he was ready to have with Clare, but he knew it wasn't that. Suddenly, Ms. Dawes clapped her hands, and called everyone to attention.

"Alright everyone, auditions are going to begin. Please, have a seat. We will go in order by seat. When you are called up, please state your name and your grade. Eli, will you please fetch the copies of the scene we will be doing? Thank you. Alright everyone, this is a rendition of Alice in Wonderland. Eli Goldsworthy was the wonderful mind behind our script and will also be our director for this play. Also, I believe he is going to try out as well, correct?" Eli nodded as he passed around the packets of paper. When he got to Clare's seat, he paused. Forcing his hand to be steady, he handed her her copy. She wanted to say thank you, but chose against it. After handing out the papers, Eli hobbled over to Ms. Dawes.

"Now then, after the auditions, Eli and I will discuss the casting. The casting list will be posted on the window of the cafeteria so be sure to check that tomorrow. Alright, I'll give you five minutes to read over the scene you will be doing, and then we will begin. Oh, but first...Eli, would you please explain the play?"

"Yeah," Eli tightened his hand on the cane, hating having to stand there in front of everyone with a cane in his hand. They all knew and he could see it in their eyes as they watched him. Clare, on the other hand, was flipping through the scene, "Well, when Ms. Dawes came to me and asked me to write a rendition of Alice in Wonderland, I really didn't know how to go about it. I mean, Alice in Wonderland takes place when Alice is a kid, right? And we're all teenagers. So I decided to make it so that Alice has forgotten Wonderland as she grew up. She fell into the trap her society had set up for her. Instead of imagination, she has the ability to properly pour tea and court boys and all the things she's expected to do. But after being told that she is to marry this guy, Alice runs up to the attic where she used to play as a kid, and sees this old mirror. She goes over to it to wipe her tears and falls into the mirror and winds back up in Wonderland. She slowly starts to remember everything as she meets the same characters and eventually learns that she shouldn't lose herself to appease her society. Also, she kind of has this intense fling with the mad hatter."

"How does it end?" A girl in pigtails and glasses asked.

"I've been working on that," Eli winced, "I have a few endings I keep playing with. But don't worry, I will figure it out. Well, I guess that's it. Should we begin?" He turned to Ms. Dawes who nodded, "Alright, in this scene, Alice is having a uh...moment with the Mad Hatter. For the girls, I'll do the part of the Mad Hatter, for the boys, Ms. Dawes will be the part of Alice."

The first person went up to the stage, cleared her throat, and said, "I am Amber. I am in grade ten."

"Alright, Amber," Ms. Dawes waved her hand, "Eli, Amber...begin."

Amber's voice shook as she read off the script, "Hatter...I can't believe that I had forgotten all of this. How could someone ever forget?"

Eli looked down at his script, "When you grow up, sometimes your heart forgets to remember the things that are most important. Like tea parties just for fun, and unbirthdays. When you grow up, you forget to have unbirthdays and celebrate you just being. Existing. Its a day just for you. When you grow up, you suddenly don't matter to yourself anymore. It's all about appeasing everyone else."

"And that's my problem. I want so badly to make everyone so happy. But I'm not happy."

"When was the last time you were?"

"Honestly? The last time I was here...with you. I was so scared of this place. Now, it seems silly. This place isn't half as scary as the place I came from. I almost don't want to go back. But I can't possibly stay here forever."

"You've been away for far too long. If you go back, you won't come back. You can't go forward when forward is back."

"You still don't make sense."

"Neither do you."

"I'm scared to go back."

"Then stay."

"I'm scared to stay."

"Then stay."

Amber lowered her script and looked nervously towards Ms. Dawes who nodded and said, "Thank you very much, Amber." She scribbled something down on the yellow notepad, and called up the next student. It went on like this until it was Clare's turn. She felt as though she had swallowed Coke and Mentos. As she stood to make her way towards the stage, her legs shook. Eli had been right. She hated public speaking - everyone staring at her as if they were waiting for her to screw up. She hated it, and she hated that she was going to be standing on stage with Eli, reciting lines from his play in front of them all. But it would be over soon. Surely Ms. Dawes wouldn't pick her for a part. There were several others that had been so great. Surely they wouldn't need Clare. And if they did, maybe she could play a minor role. Like a flower. A flower would be nice.

"Ready?" Ms. Dawes asked, and suddenly Clare realized she was standing on the stage. She nodded, and turned to face Eli, the script in her hands. She tried to meet his eyes, but was met only with an stare stone cold. She cleared her throat and brought her attention back to the script in her hands. _Just focus on the script. Just look at the script. This isn't Eli. It's...a complete stranger, and you are just reading to a complete stranger. Not Eli. No, definitely not Eli. _

"Hatter...I can't believe that I had forgotten all of this. How could someone ever forget?" After the first line, Clare relaxed a bit. She brought her eyes up to meet his as he read -

"When you grow up, sometimes your heart forgets to remember the things that are most important. Like tea parties just for...for fun," Eli shook his head, trying to focus himself, "and unbirthdays. When you grow up, you forget to have unbirthdays and celebrate just being. Existing. Its a day just for you. When you grow up, you suddenly don't matter to yourself anymore. It's all about appeasing everyone else."

"And that's my problem. I want so badly to make everyone so happy. But I...I'm not happy."

Eli didn't even look at his script as he said his next line. Instead, his eyes locked dead-center with Clare's, and he said, "When was the last time you were?"

"Honestly?" Clare felt her cheeks flush slightly. She knew the next line by heart from having heard it from the other auditions. She sighed, and felt the lump form in her throat. Suddenly they were not Alice and the Hatter. They were Clare and Eli, and she had to say those words that were so true, "Honestly...the last time I was here. With you," Clare turned away, unable to meet his eyes any longer, "I was so scared of this place," she laughed slightly, "Now, it seems silly. This place isn't half as scary as the place I came from. I almost don't want to go back. But I can't possibly stay here forever."

"You've been away for far too long," Eli felt the knots form in his stomach. He hated running this scene with Clare, and he hated Clare for auditioning, "If you go back, you won't come back. You...you can't go forward when forward is back."

"You still don't make sense," Clare sighed, shaking her head, a hint of frustration mixed with endearment in her voice.

"Neither do you."

"I'm scared to go back."

"Then stay."

"I'm...I'm scared to stay."

"Then stay."

Clare and Eli's eyes were locked on one another's. It wasn't until Ms. Dawes clapped her hands that Clare remembered where she was. She nodded slightly and headed back to her seat. It hadn't gone as badly as she had anticipated, but she was thankful that it was over. She had proved her point to Eli and had auditioned. Now, she could put all thoughts of the play and Alice and the Mad Hatter behind her. After auditions, Clare gathered her things and headed out of the auditorium, silently wishing luck to whomever would have to work with Eli.


	4. Chapter 4

**Down The Rabbit Hole  
Chapter Four**

"Eli, you know she's perfect," Ms. Dawes insisted, "So what is the problem here? Out of all the girls that auditioned, she was the best."

"You know what the problem is," Eli growled, tossing the yellow notepad on one of the chairs, "I am not going to work with her."

Ms. Dawes sighed, "Eli, in life, sometimes you are going to have to work with people you don't necessarily want to. Besides, you and Clare have worked so well in the past. You two just have this spark between you. Even today in the audition, I saw it. You two were so believable. It was amazing! She was the best for Alice, and you know it. And you're the best for the Mad Hatter."

Eli groaned and paced in the front row, "I don't think I can do this...direct and act and...with _her_ of all people! I just can't, Ms. Dawes."

"If you don't want to do this, I will respect that decision, but I am giving you my input as a theater arts director and your teacher. I have watched you two and you have something so special on and off that stage. You two would be perfect for these parts. Tell you what...if you don't want to act, I'll understand; but at least let her be our Alice. She's perfect, Eli. You know she is."

Eli chewed on his bottom lip momentarily as he thought over what Ms. Dawes had said, "No. I'm...I'm going to do this. She's going to be our Alice, and I...I'll play the Mad Hatter," Eli sucked in a deep breath, hoping he wouldn't regret that decision; though already, he felt queasy.

"Excellent!" Ms. Dawes didn't bother to hide her excitement, "This is perfect! You two are perfect!"

Eli raised an eyebrow and Ms. Dawes apologized, "I'm sorry...that was...um...I'm going to go type up the casting list. Be here same time tomorrow for the uh...first practice. And Eli? Work on that ending."

Eli nodded and gathered his things. He had no idea what he had just signed on for, but already he was feeling over his head. Sighing, he shrugged on the black sweater over his red polo as Adam ran down the aisle of the auditorium.

"So, did she get the part?"

"Adam," Eli winced, lifting his backpack onto his shoulder, "I swear, you're more excited than she's going to be."

"She got the part?" Adam's face lit up, "Awesome! You two were really...oh," Adam's face fell, and quickly he put on the hat of supportive best friend, "How do you feel about working with her?"

"How do you think I feel?" Eli asked as he and Adam headed out the door, "I'm not exactly looking forward to it. To make matters worse, Ms. Dawes wants me to be the Mad Hatter. Pretty appropriate, huh?" Eli raised an eyebrow snarkily, "I don't know if I should be flattered or insulted."

"Flattered," Adam answered confidently, "Definitely flattered."

"Thanks," Eli attempted a small smile, "Maybe it won't be so bad. We'll just uh...stay out of each other's way the best we can."

"Good luck with that one!" Adam snorted, "You two are the leading roles of this play and you honestly think you can stay out of each other's way?"

The next day, Clare almost didn't even bother to check the window of the cafeteria for the casting list. She was certain she wouldn't get a part, so why even bother? It was Adam who actually approached her during the lunch period, and told her she should check it out. Clare objected at first, but finally gave in after Adam was so persistent.

"Adam, I don't get what the big deal is," Clare argued, following him over to the window, "If I did get a part, it'd just be something small. I am not an actress at all. And the thought of acting in front of people is horrifying to me. I couldn't possibly..." she interrupted herself, allowing herself to glance at the casting list, "Oh my god! Oh my god! There...there has to be some sort of mistake! Adam, this can't be right...is it?"

"It is," Adam rocked back on his heels, proudly, "You got the part of Alice, Clare!"

"Oh my god!" Clare shook her head, still not quite believing what she had just seen, "There's no way...I can't possibly...wait, who's the Mad Hatter?"

"Take a guess," Adam grinned.

"No..." Clare's excitement drained from her face, "I...I can't possibly work with him. Adam, no way."

"Ms. Dawes apparently thinks you two have something special and wants you to play Alice and the Mad Hatter. Personally, I think it's insane to want you two to be in the same room as each other right now; but she does have a point. You two were great during the auditions."

Clare shook her head again, bringing a hand to her lips, "There's no way, Adam. I mean...I can't do this. There's no way I can play the leading role in front of all those people, much less with Eli..."

"But you were so excited," Adam frowned.

"I know...it's just...I don't know. I am happy I got the part and I think it'd be fun; but the more I think about it, the more I know this is a bad idea. I should tell Ms. Dawes I'm unavailable. I just can't, Adam."

Adam's frown deepened, "How about if you just do it, and pretend that Eli isn't Eli. He's just your leading man. He can be a stranger in your imagination if you want him to be. But the truth is, you two were great. Everyone knows it, and everyone wants you two to plays these parts. Please, Clare?"

"I'll think about it. I'm not saying yes, and I'm not saying now. Just...give me the rest of the day to think all of this over, okay? I'll make my decision at practice today, okay?"

Adam's face lit up, and Clare was quick to remind him, "I'm just thinking about it, Adam. I'm not saying yes or no," but he was already convinced of her decision.

Clare spent the rest of the day thinking everything over. Maybe Ms. Dawes had a point. She felt like she and Eli had done a good job on stage during auditions, but surely there was someone better to play the part of Alice besides her. That girl with the pigtails had been very energetic. Clare mused over the idea of actually saying yes, and what would come of that decision. If she did say yes, she would have to spend every day for a few weeks after school with Eli Goldsworthy, the one person she wished she never had to see again. But then again, there had been something during that audition. She couldn't exactly place her finger on it, but it had definitely been something.

Clare wondered if Eli had felt it too. If he had, he hadn't let on. Eli had perfected his angry-I-hate-everyone-poker-face and Clare couldn't read past it. And just when she was finally beginning to understand him. She pushed the thought out of her head, swearing to herself she wasn't going to allow herself to think on the past she and Eli shared. Adam was right; maybe they could just pretend to be strangers. Leads of a play, and that be it. But when she walked into the auditorium after school that afternoon and Eli pointed directly at her, saying, "You and I need to have a chat," she suddenly realized just how impossible that would be.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Clare's heart fell to the pit of her stomach. She shakily lifted a hand up to her hair to tuck a curl behind her ear. She swallowed and nodded. Eli put all his weight on the cane, and hobbled over towards her. His face was chiseled into a scowl that pulled his brows together and made his face sour. Clare swallowed again as he came closer. Soon, they were standing so close that she could practically smell his cologne - the kind that came in the black skull bottle that he had to order online.

"Apparently you're my Alice," he said, biting at the name, 'Alice.'

"Yes," Clare nodded, "So I saw on the casting list."

Eli's scowl deepened, clearly unimpressed by what she'd said, "I just wanted to set a few ground rules if I am going to be your director and your lead."

"Understandable," Clare nodded once, sharply. She honestly didn't understand what the point of this whole conversation was. She just wanted to have as limited contact with Eli as possible; and this conversation was definitely not helping her achieve that. She shifted her weight, and folded her arms across her chest. She hoped whatever he had to say would be short, sweet, and over soon.

"I think we should just try to stay out of each other's way as best we can. We need to put on a great performance, and we have to work together to do that. As much as I hate it, we do have to just bite the bullet and get this over with."

"I know that."

"So I think we should be professional and cordial and stay out of each other's hair. You say your lines and I'll say mine. Got it? And outside of practice, we go back to..."

"Pretending the other does not exist."

Something changed in Eli's eyes. Clare chalked it up to her imagination, or maybe he was just tired. Eli cleared his throat, "Exactly. So are we on the same page?"

"Apparently. Now, are we actually going to practice, or are you going to stand here and lecture me some more on what I already know?"

Eli sighed, "Come on," he lead her back over to the stage where the rest of the cast was waiting.

Ms. Dawes was flipping through her yellow legal pad. Once Clare had joined the others, she passed out copies of what they had of the script so far. Eli still needed to work on his ending, though he really didn't feel like thinking about that at the moment. Maybe it'd come to him soon. It needed to come to him soon. Ms. Dawes was already displeased that they were working off of an unfinished script.

"Alright," she cleared her throat, "Let's begin. I'd like us to just sit in the chairs and read through the script. Just to make sure we are comfortable with it and get a good feel for your characters."

Clare was about to take a seat far from Eli when Ms. Dawes stopped her, "Clare, please sit next to Eli. Most of your lines are to each other."

Clare tried not to let Ms. Dawes see her frustration. She switched seats and took a spot next to Eli who scooted as far away from her as he could possibly be without falling out of his seat.

"Okay, let's begin," Ms. Dawes cleared her throat.

They began reading through the script. Clare had to admit, Eli had done well with it. They read through their parts without any trouble. Professional, just as Eli had said they should be. After the script had been run through once, Ms. Dawes asked that everyone start memorizing their lines. She also asked that Eli work on finishing the script. He just nodded.

"Okay," she continued, "Well, I think this play is going to be fantastic. I am so glad we are all working so well together. Tomorrow, meet back here at the same time as today. We will be using the scripts again, but I do want you to start memorizing your lines."

After rehearsal was dismissed, Clare gathered her things and met up with Adam who had been standing in the back of the auditorium.

"Sounds good so far," he said as she headed over to him.

"You think?" Clare asked nervously, "I just hope I will be able to perform in front of all those people. I am probably freaking myself out, but I just don't know if I can. Especially with Eli there..."

"You two didn't kill each other today," Adam pointed out, "I'm impressed."

Clare smiled a tight smile, "We agreed to keep it civil. At least during practice. After practice though, we can go back to pretending the other does not exist."

"Oh really?" Adam raised a knowing eyebrow, "And just how well do you think you two can do with that?"

Clare was about to say something when Eli hobbled up the aisle. Adam quickly helped him by taking his book bag. Clare realized then how hard it must be for Eli to navigate the cane and his backpack.

"Thanks," Eli mumbled, "So, are you still coming over to help me with this script?"

"You're helping with the script?" Clare turned back to Adam.

"Yeah, mostly to be a wall for Eli to bounce ideas off of. Do you have any suggestions for how he should end the play?"

"She doesn't," Eli was quick to reply, "Come on, Adam."

"No," Adam folded his arms over his chest, "I think Clare might have some good ideas and I want to hear them."

"She doesn't have any good ideas," Eli rolled his eyes, "Come on. Cece is waiting."

Instinctively, Clare piped up, "Tell her..." then realized that that was no longer appropriate. Eli furrowed his brows at her for a moment and she honestly wished she could melt into the carpeting. Adam, sensing the escalation of the tension quickly said -

"Maybe he's right. We should get going. I wish you could come and help us with this script. Between us, Eli hasn't a clue how to end the thing."

"Hey!" Eli gently slugged Adam with his free hand, "I have ideas."

"Really. And how are you going to end the play?"

"I...I have ideas."

Adam snorted, "See you, Clare."

"Have fun," she called after them. She sighed, feeling stupid for wishing she could go with them like Adam had suggested. She missed how things had been with the three of them. Now, they'd never be the way they used to. She felt her stomach churn slightly as she adjusted her backpack on her shoulder and headed out to meet her Mom. This was definitely harder than she had expected it to be.


End file.
